Awake the Wyatt Within/Script
is lounging around, customerless, at the Big Squeeze. Big Steve: "Caitlin!" Caitlin: "Big Steve! I was just...thinking...of more efficient ways to...um...squeeze lemons?" Big Steve: "Yeah, I'm on mah way to the Calgary Stampede!" Caitlin: "Wow." Big Steve: "Now, you take real good care of the lemon and bring sales up! And I'll have a bonus with yer name on itttyyyeah!" Caitlin: "Really?" Big Steve: "Yep! That's if I don't lose all my money on the Cow Lottery." Caitlin: "The Cow...Lottery?" Big Steve: "Yeah! They let a great, big bull loose and folks bet on where he's gonna drop his load. Ah'm real good at it! Got a real good sense for poop. Ah likes me the poop." Caitlin: "Ew. Okay then. Have fun!" Big Steve: "YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOO!!!!!" Steve walks away, lugging his suitcase and waving a flag in the air. ---- Clones are giggling about something inside the Khaki Barn. Jonesy walks up to Nikki with a paper. Jonesy: "Nikki, here's that info about how bacteria breeds in hot tubs and all the ways it can get into your body." Nikki: the sheet "Yes." Jonesy: "Why do you want that, anyway? It's disgusting." Nikki: "That is exactly why I want it." Chrissy: the phone "Thanks." hangs up. "Guess what? My parents said we could use the hot tub for our sleepover party. We are so hooked up!" Kristen and Kirsten: "EEEE!" clones hug each other. The Clones: "EEEEEEE!!!" walks up. Kirsten: "Sorry Nikki, but you're not invited." hands them the paper and turns away. "What's this?" Kirsten and Chrissy: "Ewww!" The Clones: "Ahugh!" fall on the floor, revolted. Jonesy: "Nicely done." Nikki: "Sometimes, they just make it too easy." ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Awake the Wyatt Within' ---- ''Underground Video, Wayne is comforting a crying middle-aged woman. Wayne: "There you go. Now watch this a couple times and see if you don't feel better." hands her a DVD. "You can rise above this. See you tomorrow." lady takes the movie and walks out. Jude: "What's wrong with her?" Wayne: "Just got canned from her job as an ad exec., so I sent her home with Working Woman." Jude: "The one where the chick steals her boss's job, and her boyfriend, and then gets her thrown in jail?" Wayne: "Yep. She's gonna be alright." and Charlie are looking at movies on the Wayne's Picks wall. Jen: "Want to rent How To Fix My Boyfriend In 10 Days?" Wayne: "Sucks." Jen: "Well, how about South American Pie?" Wayne: "Sucks." picks up another. "Sucks." Jen: annoyed "Oh, so I guess you know exactly what movie we should watch tonight." Wayne: "As a matter of fact, I do. I'd say you've been dating for what, two weeks?" Charlie: "Three. How'd you know?" Wayne: "Irrelevant. I have got just the movie for you." Jen: "Legally Bland?" Wayne: "The perfect film for this particular stage in your relationship. Light fare that navigates the waters of love while subtly introducing an undercurrent of commitment." Jen: "Not bad. We'll take it!" Jock: by "He recommended a film for us, and it totally saved our relationship." Girl in Sweater: "Yeah. I was gonna dump him." and Charlie leave with their movie. Wyatt walks over to his boss. Wyatt: "Wow. How do you do that?" Wayne: "What can I say, man, it's a talent." Wyatt: "Hey, can you help Serena and I get back together? I need a movie that will make her see that I'm the guy for her." Jude: "Let it go, dude." Wayne: "I don't do staff." Jude: "Plus she broke up with you, and fired you..." Wyatt: "C'mon, man, you're the only one who can help me!" Wayne: "That's probably true, but I don't. Do. Staff." sighs. ---- is mixing a batch of lemonade when her blender grinds to a halt and stops working. Caitlin tries to get it to work again; when nothing works, she unplugs the blender and starts stabbing inside with a knife. Jonesy: "What are you doing?" Caitlin: "My blender just died." resumes stabbing at it angrily. Jonesy: "Or was murdered! What's with the effort? That's not like you." Caitlin: "Because if I'm blenderless, I won't get my bonus, and I'll never get that cute camisole I picked out!" Jonesy: "Ah, that's more like it. If I come up with anything I'll let you know." moves on. Caitlin: "Thanks." stabs the blender again, and it spits sparks. ---- is dreamily watching her boyfriend tape up a hockey stick. Jen: "You're good at taping sticks." Coach Halder: "Masterson! I know that look! That's love on the job! Drop and give me fifty." Jen: "Yes Coach." drops and starts. Coach Halder: "I hope for your sake you can do fifty." Jen: straining "Love–will–make–me–strong." Coach Halder: "Another fifty! For saying the word love." Jen: "You just said it." Coach Halder: "Darn it! You're right. Fifty for me too." push-ups "Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup–feels good. Hup, hup–" ---- checks out a movie for Jason and Joanie. Wyatt: "Let me guess. Wayne here recommended a life-changing movie to you two." Jason and Joanie: "Mmm-hmm!" leave. Wyatt: "Don't choke on each other's tongue!" Wayne: "What flew up your butt?" Wyatt: "Nothing. Except that you could save me from a lifetime of loneliness by telling me what movie to watch." Wayne: "Tell you what, I'll give you free air guitar lessons." Wyatt: "C'mon, man, you have some freaky video superpower!" Wayne: "True." Wyatt: "And you could use it to help me get my girl back! Unless you think you couldn't come up with anything." Wayne: "Heh. A weak attempt at challenging my movie manhood." raises an eyebrow. Wayne: "Alright, fine. I'll bite." Wyatt: "Really? All right!" does a small victory dance. Wayne: "Whatever. Jude! JUDE!" Jude: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" races up to the counter. "Don't leave me in here overnight again." Wayne: "We're not closing. I want you to grab a video for Pathetico over here. Video number...01685." nods and runs off. Wyatt: "Oh yeah. I'm feeling better already." runs back with a video, and Wayne gives it to Wyatt. Wayne: "This'll help you. Now leave me alone." ---- and Jonesy are hanging out while Caitlin tries to find a way to work without a blender. Nikki: "So what's it like being a waiter at El Sporto's?" Jonesy: "Enh, okay. Nothing special." Nikki: "Maybe I'll come by for lunch." Jonesy: "No! I mean, you're better off in the food court." Nikki: "Well, what sports uniform do they make you wear?" Jonesy: "Not important." take a sip of their drink. Nikki and Jonesy: "Euch!" Jonesy: "This is one bad lemonade." Caitlin: "My blender died, so I had to get creative." starts smashing them with a mallet. Wyatt: "Ahem." holds up his movie. "This movie, my friends, is gonna solve all my problems with Serena." Jonesy: "Are you talking about Serena Serena?" Nikki: "As in, you're fired and I never want to see you again Serena?" Wyatt: "C'mon, guys. I think it'll give us some valuable insights. Watch it with me and tell me what you think?" Nikki: "Sure, why not? I'll call Jen." dials. Jen: still doing push-ups "Sure. A movie sounds good. We'll be there." hangs up with her nose. Charlie walks up to her. "Hey. Wanna hang with my friends tonight?" Coach Halder: "Masterson! Give me another fifty! Pronto!" Charlie: whispering "Coach Halder told me to take lunch now. Guess I'll see you later?" grins, and they wink at each other. Charlie leaves. Jen: "Can't–feel my–arms–" strength gives out, and she collapses. Nikki: "Jen's in. I'll meet you there." Jonesy: "'Kay." girl in a dress walks past. "You know, you'd look really good in a dress like that." Nikki: offended "Oh, so what I'm wearing isn't nice enough for you?" Wyatt: "Uh oh." vacates the area. Jonesy: "No! I mean yes! It is! I–" Nikki: "So what, now that we're like dating, it's okay for you to tell me what to wear? Nice." leaves. Jonesy: "Wait, I was giving you a compliment! Aww..." purses her lips and turns to her customer. Caitlin: "Lemon smoothie, coming up." begins mashing lemons, some of which land in front of Jonesy. Jonesy: up a smashed lemon "I know how you feel, little buddy." ---- gang and Charlie are watching the movie. Jonesy puts an arm around Nikki, and she elbows him. Jonesy: "Oof!" Jude: "Aren't there any chicks under thirty in this flick?" Wyatt: "I don't know." Jen: "Ssh! This is a good part." ---- the end of the film, Jonesy and Jude have become distracted. Nikki elbows Jonesy, and he wakes. Jonesy: "What?" girls all have tears in their eyes. Caitlin: "That was so cute." Charlie: "Those old ladies worked so hard on that garden." Jen: "And did you see how cute they were in their matching flower hats?" Jonesy: "The only thing more boring than watching old people is watching old people gardening." Wyatt: "So what do you think it means for Serena and me?" Nikki: "That's easy. Nothing." Jonesy: "I think it means you're really boring." ---- is at work when Charlie runs up to her. Charlie: "Wanna go to the Junior Dance with me next week?" Jen: giggling "Sure." Coach Halder: "MASTERSON!" Jen: tired "I know." gets down and starts doing push-ups. Coach Halder: "You're skating on thin ice, Masterson! That's six hundred push-ups this week alone!" pats Charlie's shoulder. "Good work, Dobbs." Jen: grunting "How come–you never–get busted?" Charlie: "I dunno, honey. Guess I'm just lucky. I'll see you later." walks off. Jen: herself "Hey honey, there's no strength left in my upper body!" shoots her, and she collapses. "Guh!" ---- Charlie, Jen, Jude, Nikki, and Wyatt have gathered at a booth in El Sporto's. Charlie: a story "...and they say Coach Halder's groin has never been the same since." laughs. Jen: "Too bad Jonesy has to work tonight. Where is he? I'm starving." Wyatt: back laughter "There he is. In a skirt." uniform seems to consist of a kilt and cleats as well as his normal shirt. Jonesy: "It's a kilt." Nikki: "Oh." laughs. "Wow. You look really good in that. But you know what would look even better? A blue sundress." Jonesy: "Oh ha ha! Everyone has to wear a sports outfit here, remember?" Jen: "What sport are you supposed to be?" Jonesy: embarrassed "Field hockey." laughs. "All the guys' sports were taken." Nikki: laughing "Except for cross-country dressing!" laughs. Jonesy: up "Do you guys want to order or what?" Charlie: "Uh, do you have chicken legs?" table looks at Jonesy's legs and laughs. Nikki: "Well done." hi-fives Charlie. ---- is watching the movie again. Wayne walks in. Wyatt: "Wayne, what is the point of this movie you gave me to watch?" Wayne: "Dude, if I tell you, you won't learn anything. Plus I'm busy." Wyatt: "But it doesn't make any sense!" Wayne: "If you can't figure it out then you don't deserve to have titles on the staff picks shelf." starts to remove Wyatt's picks. Wyatt: "No! Okay. I'll figure it out." enters. Jude: "I have a new staff pick!" Wayne: "Plenty of room up there now. What is it?" Jude: "Radical Pool Party 2!" looks at him and then grins snarkily. Wayne: "I want you to think about what you just said." moves on with Wyatt's picks. Jude: "Hmm..." concentrates. ---- is trying to squish lemons into the blender. Caitlin: "Okay, this is hopeless! I'll never get my bonus!" Jude: in a huge fan "Your blending troubles are over!" Caitlin: "They are?" Jude: "Check it out!" sets the fan down and turns it on. "Who needs a blender when you've got an industrial fan!" pulls the protective grating off of the fan. grabs a bowl of lemons and pours them in. He, Jen, and Caitlin watch interestedly as the fan grinds them–and then spits out a huge shower of lemon juice all over the trio. Jen: unhappy "Nice work, Jude." ---- gang are sitting around the table. Wyatt: "So now that you've had some time, what do you think that movie means?" Nikki: "Still nothing." Caitlin: "I think it means you and Serena were meant to be together forever." Jen: "You know what? That's it!" Caitlin: "You have to tell her." Nikki: "Hold on. Wyatt, it's just a movie." Wyatt: "Yeah, but you don't know the power of Wayne." Jude: "The man does give sick advice." Nikki: "This is crazy! She broke up with you!" Caitlin: "The movie gods have spoken." Jen: "You've got to win Serena back!" Nikki: "What?" Wyatt: "You're right." stands up. "I'm going to do this." clasps her head in her hand as Wyatt runs off. ---- in the mall is going about their business as usual when the PA crackles and Wyatt's voice is heard. Wyatt: "Attention everyone! This is a message for Serena at Spin This." gasps, horrified. "Serena! It's Wyatt. I know you're here today, because I saw you stacking the new releases." Nerd Girl: "Stalker." friend nods. Wyatt: "I can't stop thinking about you. I really want you to give me one more chance." gulps. "I'll wait for an answer." a beat "As long as it takes." few seconds later "All I need is a yes." facepalms. "Or a no." bit later "If you could just, y'know, shout out an answer!" he's being ignored "I'll just wait here and listen." up "Uh. Oh. Okay. Um, that's it I guess." Nikki: unhappy "They never listen." ---- is trying to set up a mountain-climbing display. Coach Halder: "What's taking so long with that display, Masterson?!?" Jen: "Sorry, Coach. My arms are so tired." loses her balance. "WHOOOAAAA!" falls to the ground. Part of the display falls down as well. Charlie: "You okay, honey?" Jen: "No, I'm not okay. I've done like seven hundred stupid push-ups for you. My arms are noodles." Charlie: "Cute noodles." Jen: "Noodles aren't cute! They're soft. And droopy. How come you don't do any push-ups?" Charlie: "Uh, why would I do them if he didn't make me?" Jen: "I don't know, because you're a guy and you should act like a man?" Charlie: "Jen, you know I have baseball tryouts coming up. I can't be overworking my arms for no reason." Jen: simmering "No. Reason?" Coach Halder: "Oh Dobbs! Could you come over here and show me that swing of yours?" Charlie: "Yes Coach!" walks off. Alone, Jen grits her teeth. ---- lemons are lined up on the edge of the Big Squeeze. Suddenly, the lid slams forward and shut on them, smashing them. Caitlin collects the dripping juice in a blender. Nikki: "That's an interesting technique." Caitlin: "And surprisingly dangerous." walks up, looking down. Caitlin: "Hey Jen! Nikki and I were thinking of inviting Charlie to our movie night. You know, since he's sort of part of the gang now." Jen: "Part of the gang?" Nikki: "Sure. We all agreed he's in. The guy brings the funny." Jen: "Do you know what he puts on his hot dogs? Nothing. It's just a wiener and a bun. And that's it. And that laugh! It's so annoying. Do you know he calls me honey? 'Honey, do the push-ups for us! Honey, I have baseball tryouts!'" Caitlin: "Ooh! Wish him luck for me!" Jen: "AAAAAHHHH!!!" slams her head against the table. Wyatt walks up. Nikki: "How you doing?" Wyatt: sarcastic "Great. Never felt better." Caitlin: "I know what will make you feel better! An orange mocha Stimu-latte." raises an eyebrow, interested. ---- and the girls are at Grind Me. Jen: "Hurry up, Caitlin, he's almost finished his last one!" Nikki: "Uh, don't you think you've had enough?" finishes his coffee. By now, he's had four of them and is shaking from caffeine overload. Caitlin: "No." hands Wyatt a fifth coffee. "Drink this. It'll help dull the sting of rejection." Jen: "Feeling better, Wyatt?" Wyatt: a manic grin "I dunno. I am more...twitchy." Caitlin: "That's a good sign! Okay. I've got to get back to the Lemon. Continue Stimu-latte consumption until he's no longer thinking of you-know who." remark instantly brings Wyatt down off of his caffeine high. Jen: "Drink, Wyatt, drink!" ---- is angrily shaking her blender when Jonesy walks up awkwardly in his kilt. Caitlin: "Jonesy! Did you get my message?" Jonesy: "What do you think I've got under my kilt?" looks at it, flabbergasted. Jonesy reaches inside and pulls out several canisters of lemon drink. Jonesy: "You know it." Caitlin: "Jonesy, this is perfect!" hugs him. Jonesy: "I better get back. They don't know I'm gone." Caitlin: "Okay. Thanks again." Jonesy: "Later." ---- the Penalty Box, Jen calls Caitlin. Caitlin: "Hi!" Jen: "Hey. Have you ever noticed that Charlie's hair isn't cut straight?" Caitlin: "Uh oh. I'll be right there." ---- is angrily watching Charlie work when Caitlin walks in and comes up to her. Caitlin: "What happened? You've never complained about his hair before." Jen: "I've decided it's actually his head. It's too big." looks at her oddly. "And whenever he lifts something heavy, he gets this giant purple vein in his neck. I think I'm just gonna have to let him go." Caitlin: "Look, Charlie's a great catch. He's cute, and he cried during Life's Little Wrinkles. In the guys, love that. Plus, his head's not really that big. What's the matter with your arms?" picks one up and lets it fall. Jen's arm pendulums until it stops. "Hmm. You should look after that. See ya!" leaves. Jen moans to herself. ---- is watching the movie again while drinking coffee. Wyatt: "I'm missing something here. What are you trying to tell me?" Jude: "Why don't you should ask those old dudes? They've probably seen it." points to an old couple outside. Wyatt: "Good idea, ask the old people!" runs out, but stops and goes back in. "Great idea!" leaves again. Jude stares after him, stunned. Jude: "Dude?" ---- is drinking lemonade when Jonesy arrives with a new shipment. He takes it out. Jonesy: "Hello, ladies." Caitlin: "Hey Jonesy. Thanks!" Jonesy: "No worries. No one at the restaurant likes it anyways." Nikki: "You mean–this lemonade was once up Jonesy's skirt?" man, hearing this, spits out his mouthful of lemonade. Nikki: "Yeah. Good call." Jonesy: "Caitlin, why don't you remind Nikki what a great guy I am, sneaking you cans of lemonade to save your hide." Caitlin: "Don't put me in the middle of this! You did commit a serious mistake of the new boyfriend code." Jonesy: "What?!?" Nikki: "You told me to change my clothes." Jonesy: "No-I-I was just–gah! Are all girls this difficult?" Nikki: "Just the ones with brains." Jonesy: "Okay. Fine. I'm taking these back." steals the lemonade cans from Caitlin and leaves. Nikki: "Sorry I lost you your gross skirt lemonade." Caitlin: "That's okay. Nothing overrides a girl's right to her own fashion." ---- and Jude are polling old people about what the movie was about. Wyatt: "So you think the movie was about planting tulips? Wow. Not exactly the insight I was looking for." next victims are an old couple in the middle of the mall. Wyatt: "So, my question is, does gardening have anything to do with being together?" old man holds up an ear trumpet. "What is your secret on being together for so long!?!" Old Man: "Nothing better ever came along." wife starts hitting him with her handbag. "Ooh! Wendy!" and Jude move on to the fountain. This time, Jude asks the question. Jude: "So, uh, do you dig old chicks?" old man angrily smacks Jude with his cane. Jude goes back to Wyatt. Jude: "I don't think this is working." Wyatt: "We need a new plan." Jude: "Right. Like what?" Wyatt: "Hmm..." gets an idea. "Disguise yourself as a woman, and ask Wayne to explain the movie!" Jude: "Aw, man! I always have to dress up like the chick!" ---- is watching a movie when a voice draws his attention. Old Lady Jude: "Excuse me?" Wayne: over "Gah!" is wearing a wig seemingly made of Brillo pads and some blush. Old Lady Jude: "I watched Life's Little Wrinkles the other day, and I was wondering..." Wayne: "Yeah?" Old Lady Jude: "What's the message of the movie?" Wayne: "Well, I'd tell you–if you weren't a guy dressed as an old woman! What is with you, dude?!?" Wyatt: "It's my fault. I can't figure out what Life's Little Wrinkles was supposed to mean! What the heck kind of recommendation was that anyway?!?" Wayne: "W-what are you talking about?" Wyatt: "The movie you gave me!" Wayne: "That wasn't the movie you were supposed to watch!" Wyatt: "It wasn't?" Wayne: "No! Why would I tell you to watch that chick flick?" Wyatt: "Then why'd you give it to me!!!" Wayne: "I didn't!!! But I have a feeling I know what happened!!!" gives Jude an angry look, then walks off. He comes back with a new movie. "This is the movie you were supposed to watch. Dumping Amy. You gave him the wrong movie, dude." Jude: "Ooohhhh." Wyatt: at Jude "This is all your fault?" gulps. "I watched that thing twelve times because of you?" Jude: "All the boxes looked the same!" angrily hangs the wig over Jude's face. ---- Jen: "Did you ever think fries are better than boys?" Nikki: "All the time." is feeding herself and Jen fries. Jen's phone rings. Jen: "Can you see who it is? I can't lift up the phone." Nikki: "It's Charlie." Jen: "Uuch. Let it ring." Nikki: "You're dumping him, aren't you? And I was just starting to like him." Jen: "And I'm just starting to get feeling back in my arms!" familiar yell echoes through the food court. Big Steve: "YAAAAAHHOOOO!!!" Caitlin: shocked "It's Big Steve! Quick! Where can I hide the busted blender?" Nikki: "Just play it cool, Caitlin." Steve walks up to his store. Big Steve: "Ahm back! How's the ranch?" Caitlin: "Um, eeh...okay." Big Steve: two lemons into the blender "I'm gonna rustle me up a lemon smoothie, hope you don't mind!" Caitlin: "Mind? No. I-I don't mind." shuts her eyes as Big Steve tries to turn on the blender. Big Steve: "Ah, blast! Think I busted a blender! Oh well." Caitlin: "Oh well? You mean you're not mad?" Big Steve: "Heck no! These things only live so long. We were long overdue. I'll pick one up tomorrow." Caitlin: "Great!" Big Steve: "Heck, here's that bonus I promised you." hands over a check. Caitlin: "Thanks Big Steve!" Steve leaves. "EEE!" and Nikki give Caitlin a thumbs-up. Nikki: "Uh oh." Dobbs walks up to the table. Charlie: "I thought I might find you here." Jen: her eyes "Yep. Here I am." looks back at Charlie and gasps. Charlie has transformed into a caricature encompassing everything she hates about him. Charlie: "Is your phone off? I just tried calling you, honey." shakes her head, and Charlie goes back to normal. Jen: "No. It's on. But I couldn't pick it up because my arms are like two giant pieces of linguini!" Charlie: "Speaking of which, I should eat a big meal. Baseball tryouts are tomorrow. I need the energy." Jen: "AAAAAHHH! That's it! No more push-ups and no more big giant head! We're so over." gapes. Nikki: "Better hit the road there, sport. When she regains the use of her arms, she'll come back swinging." puts his hands up and leaves. ---- gang are gathered around the table. Wyatt: "So, who wants to watch Dumping Amy with me tonight?" Jen: "Oh..." Caitlin: "I can't." Jonesy: "Nope." Jude: "Sorry, dude." Nikki: "I'm busy." Wyatt: "Oh, come on, guys. Charlie can come too." Jen: "No he can't. I dumped him." Jonesy: surprised "Dumped as in dumped?" Jen: "Yes, dumped like a gym bag of sweaty old gym socks dumped!" Jude: "Whoa. But he was so funny." Jonesy: "I'm really gonna miss that guy. Even though he made fun of my chicken legs." Caitlin: "Hey, yeah! Where's your skirt?" Jonesy: "It was a kilt. And I got fired. I accidentally walked over a floor vent." friends stare at him uncomprehendingly. Jonesy: "What? How was I supposed to know I couldn't go commando?" Jen: "That is just...ew." Jonesy: "Enough work talk." sets a gift-wrapped box in front of Nikki. Nikki: "What's this?" Jonesy: "It's for you. Something nice that you'd look really good in." gang gasps, then awws in approval. Jonesy has given Nikki another shirt identical to the one she has on. Nikki: "Thanks, Jonesy. You know, you're not so bad after all. For a guy. In a skirt." kisses him. Jonesy: "Woohoo! Talking to me again. You know it." dancing "OH YEAH!" Jen: "At this point, I'd take the fries any day." Category:Season 2